When God Created Mothers
by Erma Bombeck
When the good Lord was creating mothers, he was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”
And the Lord said, “Have you read the spec on this order? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic…have 180 movable parts – all replaceable…run on black coffee and leftovers…have a lap that disappears when she stands up…a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair…and six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook her head slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands? No way.”
“It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” said the Lord, “it’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.”
“That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, “What are you kids doing in there?” when she already knows. Another in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know. And, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, “I understand and I love you” without uttering a word.”
“Lord,” said the angel touching his sleeve gently, “go to bed. Tomorrow is another…”
“I can’t” said the Lord “I’m so close now. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick, can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger, and can get a nine-year old to stand under a shower.”
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft.” she sighed.
“But tough!” said the Lord excitedly, “You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure.”
“Can it think?”
“Not only think, but it can reason and compromise.” said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak.” she pronounced.
“It’s not a leak,” said the Lord, “it’s a tear.”
“What’s it for?”
“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride.”
“You are a genius.” said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. “I didn’t put it there.”
Have you called your mother today? Given her a hug and a kiss? Thanked the Lord for her?
So…what are you waiting for?